My new book, The Reluctant Apostate, nears completion
My new book, The Reluctant Apostate, nears completion

It was the winter of 2012. All the talk among ex-JWs was about the Candace Conti lawsuit, recent “new light” about the “faithful and discreet slave” and, of course, the “Become Jehovah’s Friend” DVD featuring a certain ill-fated dumpster-bound warrior wizard named Sparlock.

It was with all these things happening that I began work on a new book, with the working title of Unquestionable Faith. It would blend Watchtower’s history and teachings with the story of my awakening, and document everything I have learned from objectively researching the religion of my childhood. I anticipated finishing it in just a few months, some time in 2013.

A great deal has happened since then, both in my own life and in the religion. In a way I am glad I was unable to finish the book in 2013, because it would be half the book it is now.

In addition to writing about very recent Watchtower developments (such as the Australian Royal Commission, and the launch of JW Broadcasting videos) I have been able to bring my own story to a degree of finality that would not have been possible in 2013 – before the birth of my daughter, and before I officially parted ways with the organization.

Not only is the content of the book different than it would have been – it also has a new title: The Reluctant Apostate. Actually, I think of this as not a new title but the original title. As a 20-year-old riddled with doubts about my faith, I vaguely recall once fantasizing about writing a book that would be called “The Reluctant Apostate.”

Now that I am out of the religion, I feel there is a certain poetry to turning that fantasy from my youth into a reality. Besides, ALL apostates are reluctant, at least to begin with – especially when threatened with family estrangement for pursuing their doubts to the fullest extent.

The Reluctant Apostate is now so tantalizingly close to completion (less than 50 pages left to write) that I recently launched an Indiegogo campaign to cover the costs of self-publishing. To promote the campaign, I made the following video that gives a preview of the opening pages from the book…

Within two-and-a-half-hours of the campaign going online, the $1,470 I was asking for was received. As of now, with 10 days to go until the campaign ends, it is 826% funded ($12,136).* 175 copies have been ordered from backers in countries as diverse as South Africa, Germany, Belgium, Australia, Norway, Romania, Singapore and Thailand.

The support I have received has been frankly astonishing, with lots of people sharing links to the Indiegogo campaign on social media. Two bloggers, Misha Verollet and Hemant Mehta, have been kind enough to post articles promoting the book. The latter, who many know as the “Friendly Atheist,” has kindly agreed to supply the foreword for the finished book. For those not familiar with Hemant’s work, below you can see a video in which he explains the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses for those not raised in the religion.

By way of thanking everyone for their incredible support for the campaign, I wanted to give a few more sneak previews of what the finished book will look like. Below are some screen grabs from the Introduction and Chapter One. As you can see, a beautiful book is emerging thanks to the skill and dedication of my book designer, Arthur Weber (an ex-JW from Romania).




I’m beyond excited to see The Reluctant Apostate finally nearing completion after so much time and effort has been put in. I am especially touched by the support of those who are working so hard behind the scenes to make it happen.

Scarcely a day goes by without Arthur asking me some question about how I want the book to look as he works on the file. His enthusiasm to make it a success is tangible.

And at almost any time, day or night, I can log on and see that someone from my eight-person editing team (which includes Arthur, Covert Fade, and John and Jane Redwood) is leaving comments on the manuscript for suggested improvements to the text.

When I factor in the 235 who are so far backing the project financially, I am humbled at how many believe in me and are determined to see the book get printed.

As much as I enjoy making videos and writing blog articles, sometimes there is nothing like a book for helping guide someone through such a complex, nuanced subject – especially one as sensitive as this: a religion in which so many have so much invested emotionally.

I want to express my sincerest thanks to everyone who is helping turn my dream into a reality. I am hopeful that, once released, this book will make a big difference in many people’s lives, and be a valuable resource for helping Witnesses young and old break free from their indoctrination.

Once again, thank you!










* Though the Indiegogo campaign is scheduled to end on September 27, 2016 11:59pm PDT, I have the option of continuing to take orders for advance copies thereafter. I am working hard to get The Reluctant Apostate available on Amazon by the beginning of December 2016 in Kindle and paperback (I plan to start mailing out advance copies in November), but to make sure I don’t disappoint anyone, I have promised to get the book released for January 2017. Eventually, I hope to also have an audiobook version available, and a number have already approached me kindly expressing an interest in assisting with translations into other languages.


136 thoughts on “Sneak preview: A book that tells the story of a “reluctant apostate”

  • September 27, 2016 at 9:25 pm

    I tried to order a signed copy Lloyd but couldn’t get any further than bank details… not sure why but had this problem before :( just means you will have to come to BC…. Kate and Will like it here so you should be good.

  • September 30, 2016 at 3:33 am

    hi there!
    I still wonder how we start destroying ourselves with so many bad comment in exjw community.
    I can understand all those injunctions against John Cedars but I ask myself one question what benefit I earned?
    As an active JW I thank all the exjw community and an other way I can show my appreciation is to order the book by John(I’ll do it).why?
    After listening 8 times the video 607 BCE and 1914 why these dates matter to jw? by John cedars ,my life start changing the same day. with responsibility in the congregation for some reasons I’m preparing my way out.
    keep up doing video and I’m sure the book will help many of us.

  • October 1, 2016 at 6:21 am

    Oh, I heard about this campaign today, and it is closed. I look forward to purchasing an audio copy of your book.

  • October 4, 2016 at 12:45 am

    Hi Lloyd, thanks for all the work you’re doing, I’m trying to buy an advance copy for my apostafriends birthday, is there any way available anymore?

    • October 4, 2016 at 12:49 am

      Hi Rob! If you click on the Indiegogo link, you will find the “perks” for pre-ordering are still available. The campaign is over but books can still be ordered for the time being. All I would say is that I don’t know when your friend’s birthday is, but bear in mind that I have promised to have the book ready for January even though I am doing my very best to have it ready for Christmas. Thanks!

  • October 9, 2016 at 8:48 pm

    dont need spanish translators??

  • October 23, 2016 at 9:17 am

    Hey, Lloyd: I had a dream last night that you were on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” to talk about your book ( Yes, I think it’s weird that it came up in my subconscious, too :) But, I hope the book is successful and gets the attention it deserves. (And, I would love to see you on “Ellen” here in the U.S.)

  • November 4, 2016 at 7:24 am

    This has likely already been mentioned, but I love the “For Witnesses” section. You’ve mentioned it before, but to actually see and read one shows how useful it is. It’s such a wonderful idea, because there will undoubtedly be many reluctant’s who will read your book. I’m already planning to accidentally leave my copy (when I’m done with it) at my mom’s house!

  • November 4, 2016 at 8:37 am

    I can’t wait my friend!

  • December 5, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    Is it out yet??????? Looking forward to buy a Kindle copy :)

  • January 22, 2017 at 4:19 am

    Any sign of a kindle version? Seems to be paperback only on Amazon uk – Cheers Mike

  • January 29, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Lloyd – I received your book in the mail yesterday and finished reading it this evening! Very well done and so good to have everything as a reference in one book. A great read, a real page turner but now I need some sleep! Congratulations!

    • January 29, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      Yes, it is good, isn’t it? And the information about the million dollar court cases we have lost is invaluable. I Can’t wait to add this information into my answers at the kingdom hall.

  • February 19, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    I was finally able to order my copy last night. will take a week or so to get here but looking forward to reading it..

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